I grew up in a town of barely 1,000 people. I never left the Midwest, Sioux Falls is the biggest city I ever spent any real amount of time in, and our family vacations were usually to The Black Hills. Now here I am, a small town girl living a big city life, and I LOVE IT!
I love everything about Austin. I love this city that seems to never sleep. The window in the room I am calling mine faces the major interstate that runs through town and the sound of traffic seems to lull me to sleep each night. I love weather here and the abundance of sunshine. I am (probably) one of few who absolutely loves gray and rainy days but the seemingly unending sunshine has been good for my soul. The green grass instead of brown (or white!) in January makes me smile and I have only had to wear my winter coat one time since arriving in my new city. I came in knowing traffic would be worse so even when traffic is backed up and it takes an hour to get to work I don't panic. I just turn up the music or call someone on the phone. Everything I have done has been a positive experience for me. I have gone outside of all things comfortable to me and become a big city girl. I have done things by myself that even shock me. I am using my GPS less and just driving around to get lost instead. I take time to look around at my surroundings and am constantly making mental notes of places I want to go when my love finally joins me.
This enormous leap of faith that I took has taught me so much about myself already. It has shown me that anxiety does not have to (and will not) keep me from living my life and doing what I want to do. It has forced me to put myself out there and be who I am without paying any attention to what others think. As much as I hate that Matthew and I didn't come down here together I really think that me being so "outgoing" would not be the case had we come together. And I don't think outgoing is really the word, it's more of me just putting myself out there and doing things even though I am alone. Now, I am not always alone of course. Most of the things I am referring to were during the first 2 weeks I was here and hadn't started working. And things that will continue once I get into our own place!
This is so ironic to me that I am adjusting so well down here. I honestly have adjusted better here than I did when we moved from Aberdeen to Sioux Falls. That makes zero sense to me. I have had a couple of days, hours, even minuets of super high anxiety but I have worked through those. I have used my coping techniques and worked through those times coming out on top. I'd be lying if I said everything was perfect but I can promise you that I am doing good. I am okay, better than okay, for the first time in what feels like forever. I am preparing myself for the worst though, because I know myself well enough to know that I will not get through this long distance marriage without at least one major mental breakdown, and ya know what? That is okay, too. Denying that it won't happen will only make it worse.
So I leave you with this...
I love everything about Austin. I love this city that seems to never sleep. The window in the room I am calling mine faces the major interstate that runs through town and the sound of traffic seems to lull me to sleep each night. I love weather here and the abundance of sunshine. I am (probably) one of few who absolutely loves gray and rainy days but the seemingly unending sunshine has been good for my soul. The green grass instead of brown (or white!) in January makes me smile and I have only had to wear my winter coat one time since arriving in my new city. I came in knowing traffic would be worse so even when traffic is backed up and it takes an hour to get to work I don't panic. I just turn up the music or call someone on the phone. Everything I have done has been a positive experience for me. I have gone outside of all things comfortable to me and become a big city girl. I have done things by myself that even shock me. I am using my GPS less and just driving around to get lost instead. I take time to look around at my surroundings and am constantly making mental notes of places I want to go when my love finally joins me.
This enormous leap of faith that I took has taught me so much about myself already. It has shown me that anxiety does not have to (and will not) keep me from living my life and doing what I want to do. It has forced me to put myself out there and be who I am without paying any attention to what others think. As much as I hate that Matthew and I didn't come down here together I really think that me being so "outgoing" would not be the case had we come together. And I don't think outgoing is really the word, it's more of me just putting myself out there and doing things even though I am alone. Now, I am not always alone of course. Most of the things I am referring to were during the first 2 weeks I was here and hadn't started working. And things that will continue once I get into our own place!
This is so ironic to me that I am adjusting so well down here. I honestly have adjusted better here than I did when we moved from Aberdeen to Sioux Falls. That makes zero sense to me. I have had a couple of days, hours, even minuets of super high anxiety but I have worked through those. I have used my coping techniques and worked through those times coming out on top. I'd be lying if I said everything was perfect but I can promise you that I am doing good. I am okay, better than okay, for the first time in what feels like forever. I am preparing myself for the worst though, because I know myself well enough to know that I will not get through this long distance marriage without at least one major mental breakdown, and ya know what? That is okay, too. Denying that it won't happen will only make it worse.
So I leave you with this...
Comments
Post a Comment