Posts

Easier

Image
After struggling several weeks with postpartum baby blues and fighting really hard to not let them get out of control, I read a lot of articles and blogs about how it gets easier. When I reached out to the few people I know who have small children, or have recently had a baby, they told me the same thing. Our pediatrician, and my OBGYN doctor said it too. It. Gets. Easier. And ya know what?! They were ALL right!!! I am not out of the woods by any means, but when comparing the second five weeks with the first six or seven they have definitely gotten easier. I didn't know how hard it was going to be but it was a relief to know that it's normal and it's common to have all of the thoughts and feelings that I had upon bringing home our first baby. I would imagine those thoughts and feelings still show up after every newborn, but knowing what it's like has got to make the transition a bit more manageable.

My first response (to myself) when I kept hearing that it gets easier…

Coffee and Cat Naps

I am exhausted. I have used that word loosely in the past, and have no doubt been exhausted before but I have never known it like this before. This is sleep deprivation, emotional drain, physical tiredness, constantly doing or thinking, skipped meals, and scheduling my every need around my sweet boys needs.

I absolutely know that this is what I signed up for by becoming a mom, and that I am not the only mom who has or does feel this way, but I need to talk about it. I have always been someone who needs a full night of sleep (read 7-9 hours) to function well the next day. I don't think I've gotten a full night of restful sleep since I was seven months pregnant. Sleeping became so difficult towards the end of my pregnancy and obviously is hard to come by with an infant. There are times I'm up with Theo at two or three in the morning feeding him, or pacing back and forth until I'm certain that he is asleep before laying back down, and I literally feel myself start to fal…

Post Partum

Image
When you have a major life event happen people are quick to line up and give you their advice. They don't care what the situation is, what the backstory or history may be, or if you even want to listen to them. I remember it well when we got married and it definitely happened when I got pregnant. Between the unsolicited advice, the repetitive questions and the reading that I did, I was done hearing or taking in any information by my third trimester. I heard it all for eight months and was just as overwhelmed, if not more so, than month three or four.

Are you going to breast feed?
Are you doing a natural birth?
What if you have to have a C-Section?
Do you want to be induced?
Will you stay home or take him to daycare?
What about your dog, you're not going to get rid of him are you?
Will you have him vaccinated?
You  need to get out of the house! You need to exercise and be social!

And then came all of the unsolicited advice and know it all knowledge.

Breastfeeding is best. Us…

And Then He Was Here

Image
Wow. My pregnancy journey ended four weeks ago already. Theo Conner just didn't want to hang on until his due date so he joined the world on 3.15.18 at 1:13pm. And boy have the last four weeks been a whirlwind. Here is the story of Theo!

On Wednesday March 14 Matthew and I went to work like any other ol' day. Around 3pm I called Matthew and told him I had reached my max for the day and was going to head home early. Matthew said he had a terrible headache and was also going to head home early. Wrigley needed his heartworm pill so I contemplated stopping on the way home, in the end I did stop. When I got home I took a short nap and when I woke up I had a rush of energy and was restless. I asked Matthew if he wanted to get out of here so we went to Jason's Deli for dinner. I was in a cheerful mood and joked and giggled the entire time we were out. On the way home my mom called me and when I answered I said "no mom, there is no baby yet!" She laughed and told me that…

New Year, New Adventures

Image
The older and wiser I get the more I start to loath the end of the year. It seems like once Thanksgiving ends and December rolls around everyone starts complaining about the year that is winding down and claiming to be so excited about "the shittiest year ever" ending. At one point in my life, probably not long ago, I was on that bandwagon. Every year I was thinking about how I just couldn't wait to end the worst year of my life and start a new year with a clean slate. I'm not like that anymore. I actually am incredibly irritated by all of the social media posts from people leading up to the new year about how bad the last 12 months were and they just don't see how next year could be any worse. I have personally made a very conscience effort to quite focusing on the bad shit that happened during the year, because let's face it, bad things are always going to happen whether we like it or not. I don't think Matthew and I have a caught a break in months, it&…

Pregnancy

Image
There are several things I'm open about all of the time. There are also some things that I am not as open about because I still believe I will be judged or shamed if I am. But, it's time for me to tell the world that pregnancy is hard. Yes I have had a very smooth 23 weeks when it comes to sickness, complications, potential abnormalities and all of that stuff. But mentally (and even physically) this experience is beginning to take it's toll on me. I don't think I have that "glow" that everyone talks about, and I honestly haven't even gained any weight except for in my belly (I hear that one often!) But what I have been internalizing and faking my way through, for several different reasons, is that it's hard. It's hard on me mentally, and it's hard on me physically in different ways. I do recognize that I had a few things against me when I started this journey (one that my husband and I chose so I am in no way saying any of this in a negative l…

S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N

Image
I can't do it all. I want to do it all. I think I can do it all. But I can't. And I shouldn't. Especially since I am 21 weeks along with baby boy Menely.

I never understood people when they said or talked about how much they just loved being pregnant. While I haven't been around or close to that many mama's to be, it always seemed like the stories they told were the next thing to a horror story. Let me tell you. I love being pregnant. That doesn't mean that it's been easy, though. I contribute this "love" to not having to experience any morning sickness, no bleeding, cramping, or other pains that required a doctor call or worry. No major food aversions or strange cravings (yet...there's still time for that one.) And other than unreal heart burn in the beginning (TUMS were my best friend) and boobs so sore it hurt to even move, I have very minimal complaints. At my check up and anatomy scan earlier this week I was still three pounds under my b…