Broken Crayons Still Color

For anyone who follows me on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat you are likely well aware of my recent vacation. I went to the beach! I SAW THE OCEAN FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I FELL IN LOVE!!! If you haven't watched the video of me seeing said ocean for the first time, you should go check it out. I had no idea Matthew was recording me so it is a 100% genuinely real response to my reaction. It's pure joy! I was trying to think of how to relate this blog post to my anxiety but I decided against it. Instead I want to take this time to say that our vacation was EXACTLY what I needed. I was as carefree and worry free as I've been in months, if not a year or more. I only had one or two major spikes in anxiety and I was able to self regulate. I had no schedule, or routine, or agenda. I was able to go with the flow, plan my day after I slept in and ate breakfast, and actually agree to last minute ideas. Not a very common theme for me. We met up with one of my best friends, her boyfri

My morning did not start as planned today. My car sounded like a rocket ship, my 10am work appointment canceled, and my work phone was ringing before 8:30 with a "crisis." So, once I got my work stuff situated and my car was fixed I brought myself to one of my favorite cafes in Austin to sit on the patio and work. I ordered my 4th cup of coffee of the day along with a water. Next I dug a bottle from my purse and took two pills out. One of them I bit in half and put the other half back before swallowing one and a half pills. This was my inspiration for my post. I am very ashamed of the fact that I have to take medication for my mood/anxiety. Let me take you through my journey of drugs. When I was 18-19 I was on a cocktail of medications. Mood stabilizer, anti psychotic, anxiety, sleep...I took something for everything. I probably didn't take them as regularly as I should've. I didn't know how to understand if they were working or not. But I took them and I went