Broken Crayons Still Color

When I went to get my physical with my new doctor in Sioux Falls this past January I told him about my anxiety disorder. I gave him a brief overview of my past few years dealing with it and informed him of my PRN med that my doctor in Aberdeen had given me. I told him I would be starting a new job the next week after not working for 8 months and I was fearful hat my anxiety would amp up with the change. I started taking my PRN a couple days into my new job. I took it at night before bed because I knew it made me sleepy. I had no problems when I took it. When I tried to quit taking it the anxiety was full fledged and I had some bad days. Long story short I am back on a daily anxiety med. I have been for two months now and things seem to be improving for me. When I first went back on the daily meds for the first time in almost 3 years I felt defeated. I felt like I had lost my battle and I was going back to the beginning to start all over again. After talking to a friend who also suffe

I don’t always know why I’m anxious or what causes me to have an anxiety attack. I know that there is not always a clear answer and that there are probably reasons I’ll never figure out but there are some triggers that I am aware of and really try to avoid. I realize that some of my triggers cannot be avoided thus causing me to deal with that anxiety when and if it appears. Here are some of my anxiety triggers that I am well aware of/ 1.        Not getting enough sleep at night. If I am unable to sleep or go through a short stint of insomnia I start to get anxious, which in turn prevents me from falling asleep.  This causes a vicious cycle for me. There are nights this happens to me and I only sleep for 3 or 4 hours. 2.        Being in a room with many people and not knowing any of them. Being in a room with people I do know. As I mentioned before I feel like I am starting to have some crowd anxiety. I have yet to put a finger on what exactly happens to me when I have these episo

Yesterday I felt myself slipping. I felt myself going in a downward spiral that I was not able to stop. There was a tug of war going on inside of my head. Part of my brain was talking me and my self esteem down and the other part of my brain was trying to contradict those negative vibes. I didn’t smile at anyone at work yesterday, which is unusual for me (even when it is a Monday). I did not go out of my way to greet anybody or make small talk…which is something I have been trying to do to make my days at this new job a little bit better. I didn’t care about my life yesterday. All I cared about was going home and lying on the couch. And eating…(story of my life!) I don’t like days like that where that switch is flipped and there is nothing I can do to turn it back off. It’s like I literally have to just bide my time and hope that something inside of my brain will click and everything will go back to “normal”. I know that person is not me and it is not my best self. Those are the days