Broken Crayons Still Color

It’s that time of year again..the time where spring is near, the days get longer, and people get all excited about having to give something up for 40 days. The past few years of my (adult) life I have felt a renewed energy when this time of year comes around. I get excited bout the seasons changing and the weather getting warmer, and about the Lenten season and all of the good vibes it seems to bring with it. This year something is different. Ash Wednesday snuck up on me and I was not prepared mentally. The weather has been cold which makes spring feel like an eternity away. With my recent rollercoaster battle with anxiety the energy isn’t there either. Being the Catholic girl that I am , I grew up always giving something up for lent. I would fight my parents about “being too young” to follow those rules, about not wanting to do it because it was stupid, saying nobody followed it anyways, and eventually giving up something like candy, pop, chocolate, or my favorite….fighting with m

I had an anxiety attack at work on Friday. People (who know me) probably have a hard time believing that I even have anxiety/panic attacks. When it happens to me it’s not noticeable unless you are staring right at me, are in mid conversation with me, or are attuned to the signs of one, (which is hard because everyone’s anxiety attacks look different). I don’t have them very often and I do not freak out or make a big scene. Some people do. We had an all staff meeting in the morning, I got here at the same time as always (10 min early)  and took my seat one chair in from the end of an empty row. Being new at the job I had not experienced an all staff meeting before, but I could tell from the way they had the chairs set up that it may not be the most comfortable thing for me. It started out fine as the two girls that sat on either side of me are two that take the time to talk to me (maybe they’re even trying to get to know me?) and the rest of the empty chairs slowly filled in. The Pro