Showing posts from May, 2015

Standing Up/Breaking Down

Last week was full of ups and downs for me. Mostly downs with a few ups scattered in there for a bit of relief. I feel the depression trying to wiggle it's way in the cracks and take over, and while I typically will do anything to stop that I don't have the energy to do it this time around. At least not yet.

I believe that I am a person with a real [big] heart. I am about as empathetic as they come. I always want to do everything in my power to help those around me. This sometimes gets me in trouble. Not only was my heart broken last week but so was my determination. It has gotten to the point where I am tired of people, I am tired of my brain, and I am tired of fighting. I don't understand how things can be going so well, and I feel like I have everything figured out and am on a straight pathway to my next ambition and then all of a sudden I'm not. I understand there are roadblocks to everything in life. I get that. But these roadblocks have come as a result of me sta…

(My) Companion

As I am writing this entry tonight I have an 8 week old puppy on my lap trying to help me type. That's right...Matthew and I are parents to a 2 pound, 8 week old Yorkie that we call Wrigley! He is the most adorable thing in the whole entire world. Everyone that sees him agrees.

I have noticed an increase in anxiety since I have fully settled into my new routine with work, home, and life. Because I don't want to use medications except for a last resort (meaning, when nothing else seems to work but before I go completely crazy) I have been trying many different things to self soothe. One of my friends sent me the Secret Garden adult coloring book for my birthday a few weeks back. I used to color ALL of the time, except the only materials I had to choose from were, sadly, children's coloring books. I didn't always mind, but they weren't always the right level of stimulation that I was looking for. The few times that I have gotten that coloring book out since I got it …