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Showing posts from April, 2016

I Am Weak. I Am Strong.

Here we go. It's time for me to get real, again.

I know I have mentioned several times about people's reaction to my big move from SD to TX. I know I've talked about their lack in faith that I could handle such a huge move and how it drove my ambition to succeed in this move. For some reason this gave me the idea that bad days weren't okay anymore. In my mind I conjured up this idea, or thought, and eventually belief that I had to be strong and I couldn't show any sign of weakness, because that would just get everyone to throw it back in my face and throw the big fat I TOLD YOU SOs in my face. This is a terrible belief and I've tried so hard to push it out of my mind. It lays dormant and every once in awhile slowly creeps back into my thought process. This is so ridiculous and I know it. It's ridiculous because I have been on a mission for over six months now to dismiss all toxic people in my life. With less toxins in my life, that thought of not being abl…

Before Thirty

In five days I will turn 30. In five days I will no longer be a 20-something. I will end one decade of my life and start another one. I will have to remember to change the 2 to a 3 when someone asks me how old I am, or rather, when I tell someone (because it's rude to ask a lady's age, right?) I can't believe that my years of being a 20 something are coming to an end. At times it felt like my 20s flew by, but most of the time I feel like they actually lasted a nice, long time. I never imagined myself living to be 21, and now here I am. Closing out the chapter of my life that really, truly, made me who I am today. Once I hit 21, and then 22, and eventually 25 and so on, I realized that I made it much farther in life than I ever imagined I would, and that maybe life wasn't so bad after all. Last week when we were on vacation I asked Matthew what day it was, (because who keeps track of time and days on vacation?!) and he told me it was April 7th. I think my jaw literally …

(Home)Sick

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On Monday I started writing a blog post about our vacation to Germany. My brain detoured and I had to quit. I can't get back into that post so I am going to write about something else. It's hard for me to write about this, because once again, I am afraid of the judgment that will come. I know that posting public blogs is glutton for judgment and I also know that most of what I believe people will say or think is made up in my head and people aren't really thinking. Those are my insecurities and my anxiety convincing me that everyone is out to get me. Anyway, here goes.

When we were on vacation I had my first bout of homesickness since I left South Dakota. I had a few days here and there where I missed home, but it wasn't anything like what I felt over the past several days. I didn't wish that I was home instead of in Germany by any means, but I did wish I was going back to Sioux Falls instead of Austin. What a silly thing, when I love this city so much. I do have a…