Showing posts from October, 2015

How Anxiety Ruins [Some of ] My Favorite Things

Anxiety is a real bitch sometimes. It has a tendency to ruin some of my favorite things. Like Halloween.

is about one of the best days/times of the year. Not only do I love Halloween movies, I love costumes. Dressing up for has always caused me anxiety but the older the get the less anxious I get over it. I am always so jealous of people's costume ideas and ability to pull off such elaborate ones! Of course, when you eliminate going to a bar there isn't much need for an elaborate least not where we live currently. Perhaps someday I will outgrow the anxiety of "going out" on Halloween.

Today is Halloween and while I have been fairly anxiety free all day now that the evening is starting to roll around so is my little friend. I learned a long time ago that I can't do Halloween with a crowd. I can't go to the bars dressed up for Halloween and I can't go to the bars NOT dressed up for Halloween. I've tried in the past and every year has been m…

My Quest and How [I Though]t It Broke Me

My dream has always been to become a licensed social worker. Well, not always but since I got done with college at 2010.. I tried to get into one grad school and was not accepted so I pushed my dream aside. I decided it was probably too hard anyways, and if I didn't get in right away that maybe I wasn't cut out for that. The thought would cross my mind every once in awhile but I never did anything about it, except think about it.

Fast forward to last fall. I was sick of rejection letters from jobs I applied or interviewed for, I was tired of being a substitute teacher because my anxiety won 9 out of 10 times and I wasn't really bringing in any money anyways. I finished the process I started with asking for reference letters and completing the application. My goal was to send in my application before the end of the year. The end of the year came and went. The new year came and went, I still had the application and hadn't kept up on asking for my reference letters. In M…

An Open Letter to Anyone Who Wants to Read It

While I don't believe that I should have to defend myself and my anxiety, I do understand that there A LOT of people in this world, and in my life, who do not understand anxiety, depression, and mental illness in general. Family and friends alike. This is for you.

Dear whoever is reading this,
I have General Anxiety Disorder. I have depression. I am a functioning human being. I lived several years of my life hiding my anxiety disorder and they were miserable years. Let me explain my life with anxiety to you.
Just because I have anxiety doesn't mean I am not happy. In fact I am happy a majority of the time. Do I fake my smile sometimes? Yes! I absolutely fake it until I make it some times. And  you know what? That is okay! Not everyone is 100% happy 100% of the time. Having depression doesn't make me sad all of the time either. You can be depressed and still be happy, I am. So please, just because I have these terrible things going on in my brain  at times does not mean I a…

365 [Blissful] Days

Most people say the hardest year of marriage is the first one. I am going to disagree with that. Matthew and I just celebrated our one year anniversary of saying I Do. We had one of the best weekends together that we've had in a long time, if not ever.

The hardest year that we've had together was the year we were engaged. We got engaged in September, moved in April, Matthew started his new job in May, we got married in October, and I was unemployed until January. My anxiety and depression kicked my butt for those 8 months I was unemployed and trying to plan my wedding all while applying and interviewing for jobs. If we can make it through all of that together, we can make it through anything.

Last (single) Date

This was one year ago today! Our last date as a non married couple :) We went out for dinner that night and enjoyed ourselves before the craziness of the next three days began. It was probably one of my most favorite dates I've had with this handsome guy. Three days before the big day!