How Anxiety Ruins [Some of ] My Favorite Things

Anxiety is a real bitch sometimes. It has a tendency to ruin some of my favorite things. Like Halloween.

is about one of the best days/times of the year. Not only do I love Halloween movies, I love costumes. Dressing up for has always caused me anxiety but the older the get the less anxious I get over it. I am always so jealous of people's costume ideas and ability to pull off such elaborate ones! Of course, when you eliminate going to a bar there isn't much need for an elaborate least not where we live currently. Perhaps someday I will outgrow the anxiety of "going out" on Halloween.

Today is Halloween and while I have been fairly anxiety free all day now that the evening is starting to roll around so is my little friend. I learned a long time ago that I can't do Halloween with a crowd. I can't go to the bars dressed up for Halloween and I can't go to the bars NOT dressed up for Halloween. I've tried in the past and every year has been miserable. There are way too many people and not nearly enough space. It (has the ability to) ruin Halloween for me. Just thinking about going to a bar for Halloween frightens me. I literally worry that everyone is starting at me and my costume, or lack there of, I get sweaty, I literally panic. I hate it, it's terrible, and it's not okay. What I learned I CAN do for Halloween is go to a house party. I have gone to several house parties for Halloween and, for the most part, been just fine. Tonight we are doing something a little different. We are going to a dance. I was really worried about it until I pulled the trigger (on Wednesday) and told my parents we would come. It's in a legion hall so it is a big space, it's a small town, and I can escape very easily if need be. I don't anticipate that it will be over crowded, as nothing we've gone to there before has been. I think I will be able to let loose and have fun because I simply won't care. At least, that's my hope. Matthew and I thought up a clever costume idea, which involves my faces being covered so there is also that!

Halloween is one of the many things anxiety has tried to take away from me, but it's also one of the things that I refuse to sit through and be miserable! Cheers to  a safe and happy Halloween!!!!!


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