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Showing posts from June, 2016

Safe.

I have started several blog posts recently and just couldn't finish any of them.  So as I'm laying poolside by myself to unwind from the weekend I'm going to try again.

I've been working with a full caseload of youth who have mental health diagnosis. Something I've been working on them with is finding a safe place for them to come down from a crisis or when they become upset, overwhelmed,  mad, or sad.  I've also been helping them compile coping boxes and think outside of  the box (no pun intended) about what they could put in it. It took me longer than it should have to realize that I am missing a safe place in my life.  With my heightened anxiety and depression filling in the cracks it is something I desperately need. I've also done some self discovery and know that when I am having bad anxiety,  or a panic attack,  or feel so low that I don't know how I'm going to manage...all I REALLY need is to feel safe. I need to know that I am safe no matter…

Lost.

Life lately has been hard. I had a rough week and it seems to have carried through the weekend as well. I hate to even admit that because I'm trying to make some changes in my brain. I'm trying to hammer out what a bad day really is. I'm trying to learn what makes a bad day in Meghan's world. I've been down on myself lately and I don't even understand why. Nothing has changed. My anxiety is constant and I feel like I don't even remember what it's like to not be hyper vigilant. I am in this state of constant worry with "what ifs" running rampant in my brain. It's been having difficulty concentrating on my job, being present in conversations, and even caring about myself in general. I've been irritable and tired.  I just haven't been myself and because I don't know what the real issue is I don't know what to do to bring myself back. I'm stuck. I'm full of doubt and worry and none of it is worth the time I spend thinki…

RUDE

I've been in a pretty dark spot lately. Not the darkest I've ever been but definitely darker than I feel is comfortable or normal. I haven't been sleeping the best which I think is adding to this darkness. I just can't seem to stop my mind from running circles in my head. I can't stop worrying, even though I have no idea what I am worried about. And I am pissed off.

I'm pissed off because people are so fucking rude, and mean. I'm pissed off because I put so much time and energy into friendships when I have one that is a two way street. I am pissed off because some people have NO idea what the real world is, what life REALLY is, and how to treat people, especially strangers. I would never, ever, EVER say the things to other people that I have had said to me. I would never find out about a problem or illness a friend or relative had and completely cut off all contact and act as if I was never their friend to begin with. I'm pissed off because some people…