Life lately has been hard. I had a rough week and it seems to have carried through the weekend as well. I hate to even admit that because I'm trying to make some changes in my brain. I'm trying to hammer out what a bad day really is. I'm trying to learn what makes a bad day in Meghan's world. I've been down on myself lately and I don't even understand why. Nothing has changed. My anxiety is constant and I feel like I don't even remember what it's like to not be hyper vigilant. I am in this state of constant worry with "what ifs" running rampant in my brain. It's been having difficulty concentrating on my job, being present in conversations, and even caring about myself in general. I've been irritable and tired.  I just haven't been myself and because I don't know what the real issue is I don't know what to do to bring myself back. I'm stuck. I'm full of doubt and worry and none of it is worth the time I spend thinking about it. I've been doing my best to keep trucking along and live my day to day life but there is still something missing and it's not helping. Last week on top of not feeling good mentally I battled some shitty allergies/head cold. It did not help my mood by any means. I would come home from work and literally want to do nothing. I passed the time until I could go to bed. The positive about last week is that I slept really well most nights, and I needed that after too many weeks of sleepless and restless nights. I know I can't just sleep through everything and quit living. That's the worst thing that I can do and I spent a lot of my energy fighting that desire.

I'm lost inside of my head and I don't know how to get out.


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