Defeat? Victory!

When I went to get my physical with my new doctor in Sioux Falls this past January I told him about my anxiety disorder. I gave him a brief overview of my past few years dealing with it and informed him of my PRN med that my doctor in Aberdeen had given me. I told him I would be starting a new job the next week after not working for 8 months and I was fearful hat my anxiety would amp up with the change.

I started taking my PRN a couple days into my new job. I took it at night before bed because I knew it made me sleepy. I had no problems when I took it. When I tried to quit taking it the anxiety was full fledged and I had some bad days. Long story short I am back on a daily anxiety med. I have been for two months now and things seem to be improving for me. When I first went back on the daily meds for the first time in almost 3 years I felt defeated. I felt like I had lost my battle and I was going back to the beginning to start all over again. After talking to a friend who also suffers from anxiety I decided I needed to change my way of thinking about this. Instead of feeling that I lost, I decided to think of it a victory. Do I want to take meds to manage my anxiety? No, I really don't. But the fact that I realized what was happening and was pro active about it before it got to a bad point is what I find victorious. In my experience combating the anxiety before it takes over is more effective than waiting for the anxiety to take over and then taking action.

When I went for a follow up appointment earlier this month I told the doctor about my improvements with the meds. I am at a low dose and will not be increasing that dose. I fought some side effects early on but have seen a decrease in those as well. There are days the anxiety is more than my small dose can handle, but I work through those days and remind myself that I am strong, and I am fine. There will always be bad days no matter how much medication I would take. Those bad days are less now than they have been in the past, but it could always change. My hope is that after on year of continuing my meds I will feel well enough to go back off. I'm not a believer in taking anything you don't really need. I would love to live my anxious life drug free!!

One major negative change that has come along since starting this is restless legs.  I had terrible restless legs for about a month. Mostly at night time or when I was resting. I would not be able to stop moving my legs. One leg or the other, or both, had to be moving. This drove not only me nuts, but my poor husband as well! I tried different things to prevent it but nothing worked and I accepted the fact that this was likely a side affect of my medication. While it was gotten much better at night time, it has kicked up a notch during the day. I know a lot of people shake or their legs/feet when sitting at a desk or in a chair for a long period of time and I assure you, this is not it. I will have to get up and walk around to calm the restlessness, it doesn't just go away. If anything it is ANNOYING. I just wish it would STOP!

Other than that there hasn't been anything too exciting going on my ever so anxious life. I am anxious (ha!) for spring and warmer weather to stick around so I can get outside and enjoy the fresh air!


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