Note to self: Take More Vacations!

For anyone who follows me on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat you are likely well aware of my recent vacation. I went to the beach! I SAW THE OCEAN FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I FELL IN LOVE!!! If you haven't watched the video of me seeing said ocean for the first time, you should go check it out. I had no idea Matthew was recording me so it is a 100% genuinely real response to my reaction. It's pure joy!

I was trying to think of how to relate this blog post to my anxiety but I decided against it. Instead I want to take this time to say that our vacation was EXACTLY what I needed. I was as carefree and worry free as I've been in months, if not a year or more. I only had one or two major spikes in anxiety and I was able to self regulate. I had no schedule, or routine, or agenda. I was able to go with the flow, plan my day after I slept in and ate breakfast, and actually agree to last minute ideas. Not a very common theme for me. We met up with one of my best friends, her boyfriend, and their daughter (the whole reason we went) and even though it had been 2.5 years since we saw them last (at our wedding!) it did not feel like that much time had passed. Friends you can pick up with after that long apart are the best kind of friends. While we spent a good amount of time with them we also had an entire day to ourselves while they went to do something they had planned. That day included the most R&R I've probably EVER had! Having nobody to answer to, a dog to worry about, traffic to compete with, or any other real life responsibility was exactly what I needed. I can even say that on my first day back to work and the real world, I feel more rested than ever. I'm not dragging or wishing I was at home sleeping (but I'd love to be at home cleaning!) like I usually am the day after vacation. It proves to me that I absolutely needed that vacation. Note to self: TAKE MORE VACATIONS!

When we got back home and settled back in I was either making dinner or cleaning up dinner when Matthew asked for a hug. I had just splashed water all over myself so I said "not right now." His reply? It was something along the lines of "but YOU'RE BACK! The Megster is back, you're so happy!" I responded with my typical negative Nancy self and said "well, don't get used to it!" to which he followed up with "but you're working on it, you're working on coming back, and you're getting there, I can tell." This is so important to me because Matthew doesn't like to talk to me much about therapy; he is more hands off when it comes to that so it's not a common topic of conversation between us. He asks some questions, and listens when I talk to him about it but it's not as comfortable for him. Him acknowledging the hard work I am doing, and telling me he can see that it's working, makes the pain and heartache that comes along with therapy all worth it.

I will never forget my first (very long awaited) trip to the ocean. It will be in my memory for as long as I live. In fact I think I even left a piece of me there.

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