**I stopped writing this post and just didn't have the energy to pick it back up. Well, here I am to see what I can make of this blog about Grace that I started so many weeks ago.
Happy New Year!!! I can't believe we're already 1/3 of the way through January. I don't remember when time started going so fast, but I know it wasn't this way when I was young. I never thought I would get past the awkward and terrible middle school years, or the never ending high school years. But, here we are; cruising through 2019 already!
I don't make New Years resolutions. At least, not since I was in middle school and used to write the word RESOLUTION out and make up some stupid thing with each letter. I did that because everyone else did. I attempted or had the idea of making resolutions other years between then and now, but they were never well thought out and they included the same shit like "lose weight", "join a gym", "find a hobby." The stuff that I have never been good at doing when I or someone else tells me to.
This year I decided that I would do better if I had a "theme" for the year. Something to ground me and remind me of how far I have come and where I am. I picked something that I struggle with so much. Grace. It is no secret that I am not so great at giving myself grace. I am really terrible to myself, emotionally abusive more often than not. It may not always seem that way from the outside, but I'm always comparing myself to other people in similar situations. I'm always telling myself that I'm not good enough. I tell myself that I am incapable when in fact I really am perfectly capable. I question my mothering. Why? Because the brain lies. So, this is where Grace comes in.
So many times when I have cried of vented or broken down in any way I have been told "just give yourself Grace." What even does that mean? Well, I'm finding out. I'm finding out that in the world we live in today with social media being a platform for people to show the best and brightest parts of their lives its really fucking easy to doubt yourself, compare yourself, and think that you suck. For someone who is already vulnerable and sensitive to this shit, it really wears you out. I know deep down inside of myself that I am worth so much more. Grace. I need to practice grace. I will practice grace. It's a whole lot easier to do when you're surrounded by people who are cheering you on, picking you up when you are down, and reminding you just how easy is can be to give yourself grace.
Grace, lots, and lots, of Grace.
Happy New Year!!! I can't believe we're already 1/3 of the way through January. I don't remember when time started going so fast, but I know it wasn't this way when I was young. I never thought I would get past the awkward and terrible middle school years, or the never ending high school years. But, here we are; cruising through 2019 already!
I don't make New Years resolutions. At least, not since I was in middle school and used to write the word RESOLUTION out and make up some stupid thing with each letter. I did that because everyone else did. I attempted or had the idea of making resolutions other years between then and now, but they were never well thought out and they included the same shit like "lose weight", "join a gym", "find a hobby." The stuff that I have never been good at doing when I or someone else tells me to.
This year I decided that I would do better if I had a "theme" for the year. Something to ground me and remind me of how far I have come and where I am. I picked something that I struggle with so much. Grace. It is no secret that I am not so great at giving myself grace. I am really terrible to myself, emotionally abusive more often than not. It may not always seem that way from the outside, but I'm always comparing myself to other people in similar situations. I'm always telling myself that I'm not good enough. I tell myself that I am incapable when in fact I really am perfectly capable. I question my mothering. Why? Because the brain lies. So, this is where Grace comes in.
So many times when I have cried of vented or broken down in any way I have been told "just give yourself Grace." What even does that mean? Well, I'm finding out. I'm finding out that in the world we live in today with social media being a platform for people to show the best and brightest parts of their lives its really fucking easy to doubt yourself, compare yourself, and think that you suck. For someone who is already vulnerable and sensitive to this shit, it really wears you out. I know deep down inside of myself that I am worth so much more. Grace. I need to practice grace. I will practice grace. It's a whole lot easier to do when you're surrounded by people who are cheering you on, picking you up when you are down, and reminding you just how easy is can be to give yourself grace.
Grace, lots, and lots, of Grace.
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