The Reason

For some reason people have this idea that unless you have a "reason" to be sad, or depressed, you shouldn't be. There is this idea that in order for someone to have mental health issues they have had to have some major, traumatic event happen in their life. Not true. While I have lead a fairly good life in my 28 years on Earth, I have had my fair of struggles. Is there one major life changing event that triggered my problems? Not that I am aware of. I still have both of my parents alive and well, both of my siblings around to drive me crazy, I've never been in any type of major automobile accident, broken any bones or had any major surgeries, etc etc.  Does that make my anxiety and depression "made up", or "exaggerated". ABSOLUTELY NOT! While a lot of people that live with mental illness may have had one or more of these terrible things happen to them, that doesn't mean it's true for everyone. My anxiety is just as real and present as someone who is anxious because they were once in a bad car accident. My depression can be just ass deep and painful as someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. Is it the same type of depression? Probably not, but what does that matter? What matters is, like I've said before, anxiety and depression do not discriminate. If doesn't matter why or how someone has a mental illness, what matters is how they live their life in the face of adversity.

 I once told my co worker that I was doing acupuncture for stress and anxiety, and her response to me was "oh yeah, because your life is so hard!" It hurt my feelings when she said that. I never said my life is hard, I said I was stressed out and anxious. That doesn't automatically translate to "hard life". What she didn't know was all of the sleepless nights, all of the tears, and all meltdowns I had on a regular basis. What she couldn't see was the pain and loneliness that sometimes hid behind my smile and bubbly personality. What she didn't know was my history with depression and suicide. I have never once told someone they didn't have a reason to feel the way they do. I am one of the most empathetic people I know. I might think (and usually tell them, depending on how well I know them) they can do more to help themselves, and I might think they use it for an excuse often, but I NEVER believe people don't have a "reason" to feel the way they do. 

In fact, I would say the biggest tragedy in my life is my anxiety. Today I went to the doctor for my yearly check up and had to tell him my history (we moved, new doctor) and it broke my heart to sit there in his office, happy as a clam and tell him about this anxiety that is trying to work it's way back into my daily life, and ask him for a refill on my PRN meds because I am starting a new job on Monday that has me nervous out of my mind.  

Here's hoping the weekend leading up to my new adventures is a good one!!!


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