My First Week

My first week of (new) employment brought much anxiety. It wasn’t getting up and going to work after not doing so for 8 months that caused my anxiety. It was being somewhere new, surrounded by unfamiliar faces that was the biggest cause. Not having a schedule to go by, not having anyone know what my schedule for training was going to be, and generally being confused was very hard for me. As someone that likes to be prepared, organized, and plan ahead I was in a whole new world. I met an overwhelming amount of people, mostly in passing and left to try to remember who was who. I do think I handled it all better than I expected, which surprised me. I did have some minor anxiety attacks, but there were no tears which, in my world, is a small victory. I was able to leave my eight hours of work behind when I went home and enjoyed the evenings with my husband. I did not lose sleep or have bad dreams. Things that I do expect with come in time, but I made it through the first week without.
I would have to say I persevered through what has been the worst first week of a new job in my entire life. I spent the first three days of the week second guessing my decision to accept this position. I felt overwhelmed and was counting myself as a failure before I even know what my new position even entailed. It’s not a good way to go into a new experience, and I know that. I couldn’t change my mind, though (hey, welcome to my brain!). I was feeling like I was never going to succeed, I was never going to learn the job duties, I would never be able to relate to my co workers, I’d never be able to accomplish anything with my new caseload, and I would just fail in general. On the fourth day a ray of optimism came my way. I was taught more about my actual position, I was given some background/history, and I was given access to technology! It eased some of my worries and even got me a little bit excited to dive in and start. Today (the 5th day) I am back to being the pessimist. I do not feel like I belong here and I am struggling to tell myself that I will be JUST FINE. I need a lot of moral support to conquer this new path in my life or I will never make it. My mind will win the war and I will be back at square one.
I am trying, trying, TRYING to make this a great experience for me and I am doing everything I can mentally to win this. I want to be good at this job, I want to succeed, and I want to do well for others so I can feel good about myself.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pregnancy

Image
There are several things I'm open about all of the time. There are also some things that I am not as open about because I still believe I will be judged or shamed if I am. But, it's time for me to tell the world that pregnancy is hard. Yes I have had a very smooth 23 weeks when it comes to sickness, complications, potential abnormalities and all of that stuff. But mentally (and even physically) this experience is beginning to take it's toll on me. I don't think I have that "glow" that everyone talks about, and I honestly haven't even gained any weight except for in my belly (I hear that one often!) But what I have been internalizing and faking my way through, for several different reasons, is that it's hard. It's hard on me mentally, and it's hard on me physically in different ways. I do recognize that I had a few things against me when I started this journey (one that my husband and I chose so I am in no way saying any of this in a negative l…
Read more

And Then He Was Here

Image
Wow. My pregnancy journey ended four weeks ago already. Theo Conner just didn't want to hang on until his due date so he joined the world on 3.15.18 at 1:13pm. And boy have the last four weeks been a whirlwind. Here is the story of Theo!

On Wednesday March 14 Matthew and I went to work like any other ol' day. Around 3pm I called Matthew and told him I had reached my max for the day and was going to head home early. Matthew said he had a terrible headache and was also going to head home early. Wrigley needed his heartworm pill so I contemplated stopping on the way home, in the end I did stop. When I got home I took a short nap and when I woke up I had a rush of energy and was restless. I asked Matthew if he wanted to get out of here so we went to Jason's Deli for dinner. I was in a cheerful mood and joked and giggled the entire time we were out. On the way home my mom called me and when I answered I said "no mom, there is no baby yet!" She laughed and told me that…
Read more

Easier

Image
After struggling several weeks with postpartum baby blues and fighting really hard to not let them get out of control, I read a lot of articles and blogs about how it gets easier. When I reached out to the few people I know who have small children, or have recently had a baby, they told me the same thing. Our pediatrician, and my OBGYN doctor said it too. It. Gets. Easier. And ya know what?! They were ALL right!!! I am not out of the woods by any means, but when comparing the second five weeks with the first six or seven they have definitely gotten easier. I didn't know how hard it was going to be but it was a relief to know that it's normal and it's common to have all of the thoughts and feelings that I had upon bringing home our first baby. I would imagine those thoughts and feelings still show up after every newborn, but knowing what it's like has got to make the transition a bit more manageable.

My first response (to myself) when I kept hearing that it gets easier…
Read more