My First Week

My first week of (new) employment brought much anxiety. It wasn’t getting up and going to work after not doing so for 8 months that caused my anxiety. It was being somewhere new, surrounded by unfamiliar faces that was the biggest cause. Not having a schedule to go by, not having anyone know what my schedule for training was going to be, and generally being confused was very hard for me. As someone that likes to be prepared, organized, and plan ahead I was in a whole new world. I met an overwhelming amount of people, mostly in passing and left to try to remember who was who. I do think I handled it all better than I expected, which surprised me. I did have some minor anxiety attacks, but there were no tears which, in my world, is a small victory. I was able to leave my eight hours of work behind when I went home and enjoyed the evenings with my husband. I did not lose sleep or have bad dreams. Things that I do expect with come in time, but I made it through the first week without.
I would have to say I persevered through what has been the worst first week of a new job in my entire life. I spent the first three days of the week second guessing my decision to accept this position. I felt overwhelmed and was counting myself as a failure before I even know what my new position even entailed. It’s not a good way to go into a new experience, and I know that. I couldn’t change my mind, though (hey, welcome to my brain!). I was feeling like I was never going to succeed, I was never going to learn the job duties, I would never be able to relate to my co workers, I’d never be able to accomplish anything with my new caseload, and I would just fail in general. On the fourth day a ray of optimism came my way. I was taught more about my actual position, I was given some background/history, and I was given access to technology! It eased some of my worries and even got me a little bit excited to dive in and start. Today (the 5th day) I am back to being the pessimist. I do not feel like I belong here and I am struggling to tell myself that I will be JUST FINE. I need a lot of moral support to conquer this new path in my life or I will never make it. My mind will win the war and I will be back at square one.
I am trying, trying, TRYING to make this a great experience for me and I am doing everything I can mentally to win this. I want to be good at this job, I want to succeed, and I want to do well for others so I can feel good about myself.


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