The Final(lly) Countdown!

Things have been rough lately. Very, very, rough. I had a couple of days of severe anxiety and panic attacks that left me exhausted both physically and mentally. I was in a pretty dark place for a good stretch of about 4 or 5 days and I didn't like it. I didn't know exactly what was wrong or how to fix it. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to do anything physically, I didn't want to be home but I didn't want to be in public. I fought myself to keep my regular routine and all in all I ended up losing that battle. The anxiety I experienced those few (long) days was the worst that I've had in probably two years or more. I am so incredibly overwhelmed with trying to make this life down here by myself that I just don't have any steam left. I want nothing more than to be completely unpacked and settled in so when Matthew gets here he can feel like he is home. While there are some things I can't unpack yet there are still some boxes I can unload and some organizing that can be done. I just feel so un motivated and I hate it.

I begged and begged Matthew to move his last day of work up from the 8th to the 4th so he can be here to save me from going completely insane and doing something stupid (like spending all of our money at Target.) Of course I am selfish and want him here for my own benefits but I also think it will be good for him to have a full week here before starting his new job. He can get comfortable at home, get his stuff unpacked (if I don't end up taking over the entire closet in the next week) and start to learn how to get around this great big city. Plus he probably wants to get some quality Wrigley time in! I am counting down the days that I thought would never get here, and I probably won't sleep at all next weekend because I'll be so excited for him to get here!

Yesterday was the first day I really felt like myself again, and I truly hope that it sticks around and I don't take another nose dive. Getting myself back up is so much work, it's a vicious cycle that takes everything out of me.



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