Midnight Anxieties

I very rarely have problems sleeping at night. I'm typically out cold in a matter of minuets and sleep until my alarm clock wakes me. But sometimes anxiety drowns me and I can't sleep more than a few hours.  There's typically an underlying issue I can pinpoint the insomnia to, which is both good and bad.

I'm currently laying on the couch with Wrigley while my mind spins and twists and turns after laying awake in bed for an hour.  It's also not very often that I actually come to the couch when I have theses bouts, but it's early and my husband had this problem last night so I am letting him get a good night's sleep.

Right now my brain is my worst enemy. My brain is scaring the shit out of me. My husband and I decided at least 6 months ago that we wanted to eventually move to Austin , Texas. Thst dream is becoming a reality. In 10 days I will pack my car and with my mother and Wrigley as my navigators,  passangers, and Co pilots I will drive from Sioux Falls To Austin and begin a great big new adventure in life. I will spend 4 days with her there and begin my new job the following week. Matthew will stay in sioux falls to take care of things and hopefully join me and start is new path in a month or so.

Anxiety has shown up and made itself known. Right now I am worried that I made a terrible decision in being the first to go. I am fearful that I will hate living so far away from family. I am concerned about how I will find my way without Matthew. I am starting to think of every single worse case scenario that could possibly happen to me. I am literally drowning. Some of my fears and worries are legitimate and real. Most of them I feel like are coming from all of the negative comments we have gotten after telling people about our move. Not many of our friends have shown outward excitement for us and everyone follows up with comments like "you'll never leave your mom". You know what those remarks and comments are doing to me? While at first they gave me more drive and ambition to prove them wrong, right now they are eating me alive. They're killing me. I want to be successful and I want to do it without behind held back. Yes, I am a mommy's girl but so what?  It's not like I will never see her again (whoops, that's a whole other case of anxiety). I just wish if people didn't have a positive attitude or something positive to say to us they would just keep their mouths shut.

I feel slightly better getting that off of my mind so now I will nestle into my couch bed and try to get some quality beauty sleep.


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