After struggling several weeks with postpartum baby blues and fighting really hard to not let them get out of control, I read a lot of articles and blogs about how it gets easier. When I reached out to the few people I know who have small children, or have recently had a baby, they told me the same thing. Our pediatrician, and my OBGYN doctor said it too. It. Gets. Easier. And ya know what?! They were ALL right!!! I am not out of the woods by any means, but when comparing the second five weeks with the first six or seven they have definitely gotten easier. I didn't know how hard it was going to be but it was a relief to know that it's normal and it's common to have all of the thoughts and feelings that I had upon bringing home our first baby. I would imagine those thoughts and feelings still show up after every newborn, but knowing what it's like has got to make the transition a bit more manageable.
My first response (to myself) when I kept hearing that it gets easier was something like "you're just saying that to make me feel better" but boy am I glad that wasn't the case. Theo had his two month shots on Friday afternoon. This appointment was at the end of a four night stretch of Matthew being out of town for work. I was exhausted, Theo was out of sorts form our abnormal week, and it was freaking hot out. He has always done well at the doctor and handled the shots like a champ, so I didn't expect this round to be any different. He cried for a few seconds after they administered them before calming down when I strapped him into his car seat and drove home. I thought he was sleeping the whole time so I swung by Target to pick up baby Tylenol "just in case." When I parked and went to get him out I realized that he was awake and appeared to have been the whole time...which meant our Target run had to be quick! I always seem to over estimate how much time I can spend before he needs to eat or be changed so, per usual, it happened again. When we got home he was a little fussy and eventually had a full blown meltdown. Tylenol to the rescues! It was the last night we had to survive on our own before daddy was home, I was equipped and ready. Theo was not. Friday night he was awake every single hour. He had one good feeding and the other times only required some soothing or a diaper change. We gave up on sleep around 5:30 am and set up shop in the living room. He napped off an on (15 min at a time)cried, and made me sad the rest of the time. We both got about an hour long nap in right before Matthew came home. I was to the point of feeling delusional from sleep deprivation. This was beyond the exhaustion I wrote about in my last post, and past the point of coffee even making a dent. Theo was also wiped out. The rest of the day on Saturday was a game of passing him back and forth trying to get him to sleep, eat, or at least be content. It was so sad to see him be so uncomfortable and know that while we were doing what little we could he still wasn't himself. When we went to bed I prayed for some relief for all of us. I couldn't do another full day like that even with both of us being here to tag team.
When we woke up (after far less night time fussiness) and Theo was smiling and giggling, I knew our day was going to look much brighter! He of course still had some meltdowns and was inconsolable at times, but his eating and napping were back to normal. Praise Jesus! These are the times when I have to tell myself that it has gotten easier, and it WILL get easier. We have gotten through the toughest of days with him and have so much more love than we thought imaginable. I feel guilty about counting down the weeks until he is able to do a few more things (hold his head up, sit up independently, sleep longer!) as if I'm wishing time away for my own selfish needs. But when everyone you vent or cry to about the exhaustion and difficulties tells you that month three is when things take a turn for the better, it's hard to not look forward to that time. And not get your hopes up at the same time because well all know every baby is different!
To everyone who currently does or has felt the pain of being an exhausted, scared, overwhelmed, and defeated mom: It DOES, it WILL and it HAS gotten easier. Don't be afraid to vent, or cry, or yell. If I can do it, so can you!
#babywearingisalifechanger
My first response (to myself) when I kept hearing that it gets easier was something like "you're just saying that to make me feel better" but boy am I glad that wasn't the case. Theo had his two month shots on Friday afternoon. This appointment was at the end of a four night stretch of Matthew being out of town for work. I was exhausted, Theo was out of sorts form our abnormal week, and it was freaking hot out. He has always done well at the doctor and handled the shots like a champ, so I didn't expect this round to be any different. He cried for a few seconds after they administered them before calming down when I strapped him into his car seat and drove home. I thought he was sleeping the whole time so I swung by Target to pick up baby Tylenol "just in case." When I parked and went to get him out I realized that he was awake and appeared to have been the whole time...which meant our Target run had to be quick! I always seem to over estimate how much time I can spend before he needs to eat or be changed so, per usual, it happened again. When we got home he was a little fussy and eventually had a full blown meltdown. Tylenol to the rescues! It was the last night we had to survive on our own before daddy was home, I was equipped and ready. Theo was not. Friday night he was awake every single hour. He had one good feeding and the other times only required some soothing or a diaper change. We gave up on sleep around 5:30 am and set up shop in the living room. He napped off an on (15 min at a time)cried, and made me sad the rest of the time. We both got about an hour long nap in right before Matthew came home. I was to the point of feeling delusional from sleep deprivation. This was beyond the exhaustion I wrote about in my last post, and past the point of coffee even making a dent. Theo was also wiped out. The rest of the day on Saturday was a game of passing him back and forth trying to get him to sleep, eat, or at least be content. It was so sad to see him be so uncomfortable and know that while we were doing what little we could he still wasn't himself. When we went to bed I prayed for some relief for all of us. I couldn't do another full day like that even with both of us being here to tag team.
When we woke up (after far less night time fussiness) and Theo was smiling and giggling, I knew our day was going to look much brighter! He of course still had some meltdowns and was inconsolable at times, but his eating and napping were back to normal. Praise Jesus! These are the times when I have to tell myself that it has gotten easier, and it WILL get easier. We have gotten through the toughest of days with him and have so much more love than we thought imaginable. I feel guilty about counting down the weeks until he is able to do a few more things (hold his head up, sit up independently, sleep longer!) as if I'm wishing time away for my own selfish needs. But when everyone you vent or cry to about the exhaustion and difficulties tells you that month three is when things take a turn for the better, it's hard to not look forward to that time. And not get your hopes up at the same time because well all know every baby is different!
To everyone who currently does or has felt the pain of being an exhausted, scared, overwhelmed, and defeated mom: It DOES, it WILL and it HAS gotten easier. Don't be afraid to vent, or cry, or yell. If I can do it, so can you!
#babywearingisalifechanger
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