Weighted Blankets and Floor Beds and Jesus Music

Two hours ago I was almost asleep. Something woke me up and now here I am. Fighting the anxiety that is keeping me awake. I attempted my usual go to of getting my headphones and turning on my Jesus Music. After tossing and turning for an hour I got up and moved to the couch. I wasn't able to get comfortable there and my anxiety was only getting worse, so I went to the last resort, I made a floor bed. I gathered pillows and blankets and crawled underneath my newest anti anxiety tool. A weighted blanket. I have been wanting one for quite some time but they are so spendy that I just couldn't bring myself to spend the money. I had a guilty conscience about wanting to buy something so expensive when I already spend a lot of money going to therapy, buying coloring books, headphones that drown out the sound, the right clothes that help me maintain a steady body heat, and so many other little things that add up. A couple of weeks ago something told me to check eBay and I found one that was reasonable, plus I was able to talk the lady down by $30! I got t yesterday and other than trying it out for a few minutes two different times this is the first real test. It weights 20 pounds and is the size of a twin blanket. The one thing I am aware of already is that when I need to use this blanket I will need to be on the floor or in my bed. The couch is too small of an area to lay and have an extra 20 pounds closing you in. I like weight on me and compression and the like, but not small spaces! It was a good thing to recognize right away, I think it will be so helpful in the long run already having that insight.

I got this weighted blanket for nights like this. Over the past couple of months there has been an uncomfortable increase in the frequency and intensity of the midnight anxiety attacks. I have found myself laying on the floor begging God to take away the demons and just let me rest. There are nights I am afraid to open my eyes, yet I can't seem to drift into sleep. So I lay, with my eyes closed, waiting for the morning light to shine through the window and tell me that I am safe. I don't remember when they started coming at night. It's bad enough when they show up during the day and I feel paranoid and skeptical of everyone and everything. When they come at night it's a different level of fear. I tend to find that my mind wonders into dark places. I fill my brain full of negative self talk, worry about nonexistent things, make up stories that just aren't true. The darkness of night is a scary place to be when you have demons that just won't let go.

I have done a lot of research around these weighted blankets, and have limited experience with them, and I do not doubt it could be a wonderful addition to my arsenal of tips and tricks. I don't want to use it on a regular basis, but if that's what it takes to combat these nights of darkness and fear then that is what I will do. I wanted to use it for awhile before I wrote about it, but since I'm awake anyways I thought I'd make use of my time. I will make sure to post an update about how it works for me.