Weighted Blankets and Floor Beds and Jesus Music

Two hours ago I was almost asleep. Something woke me up and now here I am. Fighting the anxiety that is keeping me awake. I attempted my usual go to of getting my headphones and turning on my Jesus Music. After tossing and turning for an hour I got up and moved to the couch. I wasn't able to get comfortable there and my anxiety was only getting worse, so I went to the last resort, I made a floor bed. I gathered pillows and blankets and crawled underneath my newest anti anxiety tool. A weighted blanket. I have been wanting one for quite some time but they are so spendy that I just couldn't bring myself to spend the money. I had a guilty conscience about wanting to buy something so expensive when I already spend a lot of money going to therapy, buying coloring books, headphones that drown out the sound, the right clothes that help me maintain a steady body heat, and so many other little things that add up. A couple of weeks ago something told me to check eBay and I found one that was reasonable, plus I was able to talk the lady down by $30! I got t yesterday and other than trying it out for a few minutes two different times this is the first real test. It weights 20 pounds and is the size of a twin blanket. The one thing I am aware of already is that when I need to use this blanket I will need to be on the floor or in my bed. The couch is too small of an area to lay and have an extra 20 pounds closing you in. I like weight on me and compression and the like, but not small spaces! It was a good thing to recognize right away, I think it will be so helpful in the long run already having that insight.

I got this weighted blanket for nights like this. Over the past couple of months there has been an uncomfortable increase in the frequency and intensity of the midnight anxiety attacks. I have found myself laying on the floor begging God to take away the demons and just let me rest. There are nights I am afraid to open my eyes, yet I can't seem to drift into sleep. So I lay, with my eyes closed, waiting for the morning light to shine through the window and tell me that I am safe. I don't remember when they started coming at night. It's bad enough when they show up during the day and I feel paranoid and skeptical of everyone and everything. When they come at night it's a different level of fear. I tend to find that my mind wonders into dark places. I fill my brain full of negative self talk, worry about nonexistent things, make up stories that just aren't true. The darkness of night is a scary place to be when you have demons that just won't let go.

I have done a lot of research around these weighted blankets, and have limited experience with them, and I do not doubt it could be a wonderful addition to my arsenal of tips and tricks. I don't want to use it on a regular basis, but if that's what it takes to combat these nights of darkness and fear then that is what I will do. I wanted to use it for awhile before I wrote about it, but since I'm awake anyways I thought I'd make use of my time. I will make sure to post an update about how it works for me.
                                  Life becomes very manageable when you let Jesus take the wheel


Popular posts from this blog

The Bump


Breaking The Silence