Skip to main content

The Final(lly) Countdown!

Things have been rough lately. Very, very, rough. I had a couple of days of severe anxiety and panic attacks that left me exhausted both physically and mentally. I was in a pretty dark place for a good stretch of about 4 or 5 days and I didn't like it. I didn't know exactly what was wrong or how to fix it. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to do anything physically, I didn't want to be home but I didn't want to be in public. I fought myself to keep my regular routine and all in all I ended up losing that battle. The anxiety I experienced those few (long) days was the worst that I've had in probably two years or more. I am so incredibly overwhelmed with trying to make this life down here by myself that I just don't have any steam left. I want nothing more than to be completely unpacked and settled in so when Matthew gets here he can feel like he is home. While there are some things I can't unpack yet there are still some boxes I can unload and some organizing that can be done. I just feel so un motivated and I hate it.

I begged and begged Matthew to move his last day of work up from the 8th to the 4th so he can be here to save me from going completely insane and doing something stupid (like spending all of our money at Target.) Of course I am selfish and want him here for my own benefits but I also think it will be good for him to have a full week here before starting his new job. He can get comfortable at home, get his stuff unpacked (if I don't end up taking over the entire closet in the next week) and start to learn how to get around this great big city. Plus he probably wants to get some quality Wrigley time in! I am counting down the days that I thought would never get here, and I probably won't sleep at all next weekend because I'll be so excited for him to get here!

Yesterday was the first day I really felt like myself again, and I truly hope that it sticks around and I don't take another nose dive. Getting myself back up is so much work, it's a vicious cycle that takes everything out of me.



 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lost.

Life lately has been hard. I had a rough week and it seems to have carried through the weekend as well. I hate to even admit that because I'm trying to make some changes in my brain. I'm trying to hammer out what a bad day really is. I'm trying to learn what makes a bad day in Meghan's world. I've been down on myself lately and I don't even understand why. Nothing has changed. My anxiety is constant and I feel like I don't even remember what it's like to not be hyper vigilant. I am in this state of constant worry with "what ifs" running rampant in my brain. It's been having difficulty concentrating on my job, being present in conversations, and even caring about myself in general. I've been irritable and tired.  I just haven't been myself and because I don't know what the real issue is I don't know what to do to bring myself back. I'm stuck. I'm full of doubt and worry and none of it is worth the time I spend thinkin...
2 comments
Read more

Whatever Happened to Respect?

I've been thinking a lot lately. Shocker, I know. A friend of mine reached out to me a few months ago about my blog. He talked to me about how he had been tossing around the idea of starting a blog. I asked him what he wanted to write about. His reply really shocked me. He told me he often keeps his opinions to himself and is a "people pleaser" during conversations to avoid any arguments or disagreements between him and his friends. He told me that if his friends knew what his real thoughts and feelings on different topics were they would be really surprised. I was shocked! I didn't think he was one to just go with the crowd. I explained to him that I thought that was a great thing to write about and how I have worked my way out of being that same way. We talked about how keeping our mouth shut doesn't do any good in the long run and eventually it starts to really wear on a person to feel like they can never voice their opinion without feeling like your friends wi...
1 comment
Read more

Word Vomit

This world and the people in it have gotten so.....delusional. Somewhere along the line people forgot that kindness is free. I'm not talking about helping someone who can't reach the top shelf at the grocery store (although this is something I often do!), or holding the door (common decency) but the kindness that comes along with listening to people who have different opinions than your own. Treating them with respect even if you don't agree with what they're saying. Not making assumptions based on what someone does or does not do. And quite frankly, I'm tired of it. Perhaps I'm in the minority with my thoughts and opinions and morals and beliefs, but even so I shouldn't feel so afraid or sharing them. I try to keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself to avoid being attacked by the keyboard warriors, but I realize that this is part of the problem. As tired as I am of the news and the debates and arguments and name calling and judging over COVID 19, BLM, ...
Post a Comment
Read more