Yesterday I felt myself slipping. I felt myself going in a downward spiral that I was not able to stop. There was a tug of war going on inside of my head. Part of my brain was talking me and my self esteem down and the other part of my brain was trying to contradict those negative vibes. I didn’t smile at anyone at work yesterday, which is unusual for me (even when it is a Monday). I did not go out of my way to greet anybody or make small talk…which is something I have been trying to do to make my days at this new job a little bit better. I didn’t care about my life yesterday. All I cared about was going home and lying on the couch. And eating…(story of my life!) I don’t like days like that where that switch is flipped and there is nothing I can do to turn it back off. It’s like I literally have to just bide my time and hope that something inside of my brain will click and everything will go back to “normal”. I know that person is not me and it is not my best self. Those are the days that I feel like an entire day of my life was taken from me. Wasted. All day was a struggle, and that is really the best word I can find to describe how it was and what was happening in my mind.
I didn’t sleep well on Sunday night which may have been part of the trigger for my bad day yesterday. The ironic thing is I didn’t sleep well last night either and today has been a complete turn around from Monday. Granted it is not even noon yet and Tuesdays are typically worse for me than Monday’s are, I have to say I am pleasantly surprised that that switch seemed to have been flipped back off on its own. Maybe it was the fact that I was getting myself pumped up for the Nickelback concert that I am attending tonight. I’m not sure. Maybe something inside of me was telling me I didn’t need to struggle, that things were fine and I should quit worrying. I do know that part of it was some things I accomplished at work. I took some matters into my own hands to help some clients and my work and persistence paid off! I was so happy to hear that the family in need was helped all because of what I did. It’s days like this that make me feel so rewarded and want to keep pushing myself to be a better professional.
I don’t like days like I had on Monday. And nobody that has to be around me likes it when I have days like that, either. My mind won the battle on Monday. But I won the battle today. Like I say..small victories. They can go a long ways.
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