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"The" and not "My"


I started this post a few weeks ago, and just couldn't figure out where to go with it. In the time between when I started it and now I have been extremely mindful of this and my wording around how I am feeling. And I can tell you that I feel exactly how I was hoping I would. It's almost a feeling of freedom. It's really amazing what a shift in thought patterns can do. It's not to say that I am not experiencing the crippling anxiety and all that goes along with that; but I feel much more confident in my ability to fight.

Something that I say all of the time when referring to how anxious I am or what I'm feeling is "my anxiety is super high." I never realized I was even saying that but I've definitely been more mindful of it as of late. I noticed that when I own the anxiety as if it is part of me, it makes me feel less empowered. Less empowered to fight through it, accept the feelings that come with anxiety, and much less motivation to be so resilient. If it's MY anxiety then that means it is something I own and don't have to part with if I don't want to, and lets all agree that when things are hard it's easier to accept defeat and continue wishing you didn't have this stupid demon to fight and wondering when it will stop (ever?!) I'm not saying that I am going to stop acknowledging that anxiety is part of who I am or deny that I experience it on a daily basis; however I'm curious if I can change my frame of mind and how I handle my relationship with anxiety if I stop owning it as something that is attached to me.

This idea came from something I read awhile back, and then came across again recently. It really got me thinking, that maybe giving anxiety a name will empower me to accept it for what it is instead of treating it as purely negative; when the truth is anxiety has provided a lot of positive things in my life. It's given me perspective, gratefulness, empathy (as if I didn't have enough of that already), insight, compassion, and even an enhanced sense of humor just to name a few. This is probably strange to think about for those who do not personally have experience with any form of mental illness. There has been a stigma around mental illnesses for quite some time now that does not seem to be fading, even with all of the awareness being brought up around it. It's so much easier to just hide behind a mask than to face the struggle and fight the battle. It's when that happens that I have felt the anxiety and the feelings of fear and anger and sadness and defeat seep in and start to slowly take over every one of my thoughts. That's when it attaches itself and becomes "my anxiety." Well, I don't want it to be mine anymore, at least not on a permanent basis.

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