Skip to main content

Defeat? Victory!

When I went to get my physical with my new doctor in Sioux Falls this past January I told him about my anxiety disorder. I gave him a brief overview of my past few years dealing with it and informed him of my PRN med that my doctor in Aberdeen had given me. I told him I would be starting a new job the next week after not working for 8 months and I was fearful hat my anxiety would amp up with the change.

I started taking my PRN a couple days into my new job. I took it at night before bed because I knew it made me sleepy. I had no problems when I took it. When I tried to quit taking it the anxiety was full fledged and I had some bad days. Long story short I am back on a daily anxiety med. I have been for two months now and things seem to be improving for me. When I first went back on the daily meds for the first time in almost 3 years I felt defeated. I felt like I had lost my battle and I was going back to the beginning to start all over again. After talking to a friend who also suffers from anxiety I decided I needed to change my way of thinking about this. Instead of feeling that I lost, I decided to think of it a victory. Do I want to take meds to manage my anxiety? No, I really don't. But the fact that I realized what was happening and was pro active about it before it got to a bad point is what I find victorious. In my experience combating the anxiety before it takes over is more effective than waiting for the anxiety to take over and then taking action.

When I went for a follow up appointment earlier this month I told the doctor about my improvements with the meds. I am at a low dose and will not be increasing that dose. I fought some side effects early on but have seen a decrease in those as well. There are days the anxiety is more than my small dose can handle, but I work through those days and remind myself that I am strong, and I am fine. There will always be bad days no matter how much medication I would take. Those bad days are less now than they have been in the past, but it could always change. My hope is that after on year of continuing my meds I will feel well enough to go back off. I'm not a believer in taking anything you don't really need. I would love to live my anxious life drug free!!

One major negative change that has come along since starting this is restless legs.  I had terrible restless legs for about a month. Mostly at night time or when I was resting. I would not be able to stop moving my legs. One leg or the other, or both, had to be moving. This drove not only me nuts, but my poor husband as well! I tried different things to prevent it but nothing worked and I accepted the fact that this was likely a side affect of my medication. While it was gotten much better at night time, it has kicked up a notch during the day. I know a lot of people shake or their legs/feet when sitting at a desk or in a chair for a long period of time and I assure you, this is not it. I will have to get up and walk around to calm the restlessness, it doesn't just go away. If anything it is ANNOYING. I just wish it would STOP!

Other than that there hasn't been anything too exciting going on my ever so anxious life. I am anxious (ha!) for spring and warmer weather to stick around so I can get outside and enjoy the fresh air!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Lost.

Life lately has been hard. I had a rough week and it seems to have carried through the weekend as well. I hate to even admit that because I'm trying to make some changes in my brain. I'm trying to hammer out what a bad day really is. I'm trying to learn what makes a bad day in Meghan's world. I've been down on myself lately and I don't even understand why. Nothing has changed. My anxiety is constant and I feel like I don't even remember what it's like to not be hyper vigilant. I am in this state of constant worry with "what ifs" running rampant in my brain. It's been having difficulty concentrating on my job, being present in conversations, and even caring about myself in general. I've been irritable and tired.  I just haven't been myself and because I don't know what the real issue is I don't know what to do to bring myself back. I'm stuck. I'm full of doubt and worry and none of it is worth the time I spend thinkin...

Whatever Happened to Respect?

I've been thinking a lot lately. Shocker, I know. A friend of mine reached out to me a few months ago about my blog. He talked to me about how he had been tossing around the idea of starting a blog. I asked him what he wanted to write about. His reply really shocked me. He told me he often keeps his opinions to himself and is a "people pleaser" during conversations to avoid any arguments or disagreements between him and his friends. He told me that if his friends knew what his real thoughts and feelings on different topics were they would be really surprised. I was shocked! I didn't think he was one to just go with the crowd. I explained to him that I thought that was a great thing to write about and how I have worked my way out of being that same way. We talked about how keeping our mouth shut doesn't do any good in the long run and eventually it starts to really wear on a person to feel like they can never voice their opinion without feeling like your friends wi...

Before Thirty

In five days I will turn 30. In five days I will no longer be a 20-something. I will end one decade of my life and start another one. I will have to remember to change the 2 to a 3 when someone asks me how old I am, or rather, when I tell someone (because it's rude to ask a lady's age, right?) I can't believe that my years of being a 20 something are coming to an end. At times it felt like my 20s flew by, but most of the time I feel like they actually lasted a nice, long time. I never imagined myself living to be 21, and now here I am. Closing out the chapter of my life that really, truly, made me who I am today. Once I hit 21, and then 22, and eventually 25 and so on, I realized that I made it much farther in life than I ever imagined I would, and that maybe life wasn't so bad after all. Last week when we were on vacation I asked Matthew what day it was, (because who keeps track of time and days on vacation?!) and he told me it was April 7th. I think my jaw literally d...