You know how they say the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes? I never fully understood that until I became a mom. Sure I have had plenty of experience with change before becoming a mom, but it has never so blatantly obvious every single time. Since Theo came along every little change seems to affect me way more than I can even explain. Of course it's part of the process when you have a newborn; he changes constantly and grows but it's the other stuff that seems to get to me. The milestones, the development of personality and skills and overall growth. I look at his pictures from last year at this time when we were new to the daycare process and trusting our boy with strangers we sometimes merely exchanged pleasantries with New to juggling being full time working parents and coordinating drop off and pick up.
And then we bought a house and moved to the complete opposite side of daycare which meant even more coordination and juggling. And then his teachers left and we stated over with more strangers. And then I got a new job and the coordination got a little bit easier. And now here we are again facing more change.
Matthew dropped Theo off at Children's Courtyard for his last day with his teacher and friends (and he even got bit for the first time yesterday, ha!) before starting a new routine on Monday. We planned the switch in care providers way back in May. At the time we couldn't get out fast enough but after some advocating and consistency things really improved for our boy. However, with that came a hike in tuition which meant there was absolutely no way we could justify leaving him there and rolling with the punches. He will be starting at an in home provider, which I was leery about doing with everything you hear about crazy people, but this lady came very highly recommended by more than one person we know. After meeting her and seeing Theo perfectly content when I set him down to explore her toys and the other kids I felt much better and our decision was easy. Granted that was a couple of months ago and he has become a little more difficult when it comes to separation, I am still much more confident about the change than I was any changes at his current place. I am going to miss having live video stream but that is really just a small sacrifice in the big picture. He will be with five other kiddos and I know deep in my momma heart that he is going to be just fine and adapt quickly. That being said I am absolutely terrified of another change. I keep flashing back to the first days we left him at daycare as a baby and he just cried and bawled the entire day. And the day a couple of weeks ago when I dropped him off in his new room and he clung to me and cried before I even set him down. That broke my heart the entire day, even though I knew he was fine 5 minutes later. I am tearing up just typing that. Dropping him off on Monday is probably going to leave me feeling the exact way I did on June 11th, 2018; the first time I left him with a stranger. I'll probably worry about him and cry all day. And I'm okay with how ridiculous that may be or sound. He is my baby boy and sharing him is hard. And, as Matthew pointed out, we are taking him away from other people who love and enjoy him. It's not fair. Its the right thing to do but it's still going to be hard for a while.
Oh, and I tell everyone who may shame or judge us for our decision that we (Matthew and I) both went to "in home daycare" providers and we came out just as smart and "good" as any other kid who went to a corporate daycare. In fact my daycare provider was at my high school graduation, my wedding, my baby shower, my sister's wedding, and many other milestones in mine and my siblings' lives.
I can't imagine what parents and kids must feel like who are living in constant change and chaos. I work with those families and I see it all of the time and still can't fathom how it must feel to be in their shoes and their situations. Matthew and I have a very small "village" and support system here, but we have a few people to lean on and have parents who are only a phone call away whenever we need them; and like I said I am still terrified and anxious about change. Writing it out defiantly helps calm some of that anxiety; cheers to new and cheers to change!
And then we bought a house and moved to the complete opposite side of daycare which meant even more coordination and juggling. And then his teachers left and we stated over with more strangers. And then I got a new job and the coordination got a little bit easier. And now here we are again facing more change.
Matthew dropped Theo off at Children's Courtyard for his last day with his teacher and friends (and he even got bit for the first time yesterday, ha!) before starting a new routine on Monday. We planned the switch in care providers way back in May. At the time we couldn't get out fast enough but after some advocating and consistency things really improved for our boy. However, with that came a hike in tuition which meant there was absolutely no way we could justify leaving him there and rolling with the punches. He will be starting at an in home provider, which I was leery about doing with everything you hear about crazy people, but this lady came very highly recommended by more than one person we know. After meeting her and seeing Theo perfectly content when I set him down to explore her toys and the other kids I felt much better and our decision was easy. Granted that was a couple of months ago and he has become a little more difficult when it comes to separation, I am still much more confident about the change than I was any changes at his current place. I am going to miss having live video stream but that is really just a small sacrifice in the big picture. He will be with five other kiddos and I know deep in my momma heart that he is going to be just fine and adapt quickly. That being said I am absolutely terrified of another change. I keep flashing back to the first days we left him at daycare as a baby and he just cried and bawled the entire day. And the day a couple of weeks ago when I dropped him off in his new room and he clung to me and cried before I even set him down. That broke my heart the entire day, even though I knew he was fine 5 minutes later. I am tearing up just typing that. Dropping him off on Monday is probably going to leave me feeling the exact way I did on June 11th, 2018; the first time I left him with a stranger. I'll probably worry about him and cry all day. And I'm okay with how ridiculous that may be or sound. He is my baby boy and sharing him is hard. And, as Matthew pointed out, we are taking him away from other people who love and enjoy him. It's not fair. Its the right thing to do but it's still going to be hard for a while.
Oh, and I tell everyone who may shame or judge us for our decision that we (Matthew and I) both went to "in home daycare" providers and we came out just as smart and "good" as any other kid who went to a corporate daycare. In fact my daycare provider was at my high school graduation, my wedding, my baby shower, my sister's wedding, and many other milestones in mine and my siblings' lives.
I can't imagine what parents and kids must feel like who are living in constant change and chaos. I work with those families and I see it all of the time and still can't fathom how it must feel to be in their shoes and their situations. Matthew and I have a very small "village" and support system here, but we have a few people to lean on and have parents who are only a phone call away whenever we need them; and like I said I am still terrified and anxious about change. Writing it out defiantly helps calm some of that anxiety; cheers to new and cheers to change!
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