Skip to main content

[Wedding Week] One Year Later

Today starts the one year anniversary of "wedding week". One year ago today I got up and went to a mandatory training for my new "job". Substitute teaching. I got in my car, with my wedding dress in the backseat so I could drop it off to get steamed, went to get coffee, and drove across town. I walked into the school this training was being held at trying not to look lost and confused. I found a seat near the back and sat down. Nothing on the agenda was of any interest to me so I sat near the aisle in case I needed a break. I had barely sat down and looked at my phone. A text message from my best friend and bridesmaid. She had been married for five years at this point and offered me some "wedding week advice" It had me choking back tears. Everything she said were all of the things I told myself I needed to do that week. What a relief that even though I had no idea what I was doing I was on the right track.

When the training was over I went back out to my car, got in, buckled up, turned around to see my wedding dress hanging in the backseat, and cried. I cried happy tears. This was it. The moment I had been hoping would happen my entire life. I was happy, overwhelmed, anxious, scared, and incredibly excited. I think I flipped my visor down to look at myself in the mirror, wiped my tears, and then had a huge smile on my face. I WAS GETTING MARRIED!!! Anyways, I drove to the bridal store and dropped my dress off to get steamed, I  told them I'd be back on Friday morning to get it and they congratulated me and were so happy even though they had no idea who I was. After dropping it off I probably went home, ate lunch, and took a nap. I knew the rest of the week would be fast and furious and sleep would be hard to come by...

After all i was marrying my best friend in five days!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

RUDE

I've been in a pretty dark spot lately. Not the darkest I've ever been but definitely darker than I feel is comfortable or normal. I haven't been sleeping the best which I think is adding to this darkness. I just can't seem to stop my mind from running circles in my head. I can't stop worrying, even though I have no idea what I am worried about. And I am pissed off. I'm pissed off because people are so fucking rude, and mean. I'm pissed off because I put so much time and energy into friendships when I have one that is a two way street. I am pissed off because some people have NO idea what the real world is, what life REALLY is, and how to treat people, especially strangers. I would never, ever, EVER say the things to other people that I have had said to me. I would never find out about a problem or illness a friend or relative had and completely cut off all contact and act as if I was never their friend to begin with. I'm pissed off because some people...

Compassion [Fatigue]

What is Compassion Fatigue? Is it real? Or is it some made up condition? I had a rough week last week where I was so emotionally dis regulated from running a gamut of up and down emotions. The good news is I was able to shake it off and enjoy my weekend full of activities. On Monday it all came to head and I was angry, tired, and realized I had a case of the "fuck its." I was sitting in my car before a meeting, listening to some music, and realized that I just simply do not care anymore. I don't have any shits to give about anyone, myself included. I started recounting the past few weeks of life and that is when Compassion Fatigue came to mind. I was exhausted/fatigued, and I didn't care. Surely I wasn't crazy for thinking this was a thing, was I? So, I did what normal people do and I took to Google. Here is what I found. "Studies confirm that caregivers play host to a high level of compassion fatigue. Day in, day out, workers struggle to function in care...

Weighted Blankets and Floor Beds and Jesus Music

Two hours ago I was almost asleep. Something woke me up and now here I am. Fighting the anxiety that is keeping me awake. I attempted my usual go to of getting my headphones and turning on my Jesus Music. After tossing and turning for an hour I got up and moved to the couch. I wasn't able to get comfortable there and my anxiety was only getting worse, so I went to the last resort, I made a floor bed. I gathered pillows and blankets and crawled underneath my newest anti anxiety tool. A weighted blanket. I have been wanting one for quite some time but they are so spendy that I just couldn't bring myself to spend the money. I had a guilty conscience about wanting to buy something so expensive when I already spend a lot of money going to therapy, buying coloring books, headphones that drown out the sound, the right clothes that help me maintain a steady body heat, and so many other little things that add up. A couple of weeks ago something told me to check eBay and I found one that...