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My Sun Shine

I mentioned in a previous post that Matthew’s cousin gave me a light box to do light therapy when we were visiting over Thanksgiving. A few weeks back I finally started working it into my daily routine. I started using it in the mornings. The first thing I do when I get up is turn that sucker on. It is in my bedroom right by my closet door. I turn it on and then I go take my shower. When I come out of the shower I feel so much more awake than I do when I come out into the room with overhead lighting. I leave it on for the duration of me getting ready. This could be 15 min or 30 min depending on my mood, if my clothes have already been picked out, and what I do to my hair! This is my 3rd week of using it and I do have to say it has made a difference. I leave for work in a MUCH better mood. I get that “natural” light that I need MORE of. I was kind of skeptic of it and its benefits as when I had attempted to use it before I would get an almost nauseous feeling. I think that is because I was using it during the day when there was already some light coming in from our patio door. I believe using this in a dark room has much better benefits. I will keep using this for a few more weeks and see if I make any huge strides in my anxiety that, since starting my full time job, has crept up in full force. Perhaps I will stat using it for a short while at night before I go to bed and see if that has any affect (positive or negative). Stay tuned for updates on that!

Which brings me to....since starting my full time job I have been very anxious. It’s not getting up and coming to work that makes me anxious. It’s being here. It’s being surrounded by strangers. It’s being in a new environment. It’s THINKING about the past eight months that I was at home everyday doing what I wanted and getting things done (laundry, cleaning, errands) early so my husband and I could enjoy our evenings together. It’s THINKING about having to actually take time off of work to go places for the weekend instead of just getting in the car to go. It’s REMEMBERING how I so badly wanted a job and to be accepted. See a pattern? My brain just doesn't quit.

When I talked about my first week here being…what it was..I mentioned no dreams about work YET. Well, just as I was dreading, they have arrived. And I HATE it. I've always had weird dreams  about people I work with or people on my caseload, but these are obnoxious. I have been taking my PRN anxiety med at night and STILL have these dreams. I’m wondering if it’s the med causing them. Ugh. It’s a vicious cycle is what it is. I am on week 4 now, and I still have many mixed feelings but things seem to be going a bit better here. I have to keep my head up or I will be stuck, so that is what I am doing!

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