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Questival

We did this thing.

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RUDE

I've been in a pretty dark spot lately. Not the darkest I've ever been but definitely darker than I feel is comfortable or normal. I haven't been sleeping the best which I think is adding to this darkness. I just can't seem to stop my mind from running circles in my head. I can't stop worrying, even though I have no idea what I am worried about. And I am pissed off. I'm pissed off because people are so fucking rude, and mean. I'm pissed off because I put so much time and energy into friendships when I have one that is a two way street. I am pissed off because some people have NO idea what the real world is, what life REALLY is, and how to treat people, especially strangers. I would never, ever, EVER say the things to other people that I have had said to me. I would never find out about a problem or illness a friend or relative had and completely cut off all contact and act as if I was never their friend to begin with. I'm pissed off because some people...

Compassion [Fatigue]

What is Compassion Fatigue? Is it real? Or is it some made up condition? I had a rough week last week where I was so emotionally dis regulated from running a gamut of up and down emotions. The good news is I was able to shake it off and enjoy my weekend full of activities. On Monday it all came to head and I was angry, tired, and realized I had a case of the "fuck its." I was sitting in my car before a meeting, listening to some music, and realized that I just simply do not care anymore. I don't have any shits to give about anyone, myself included. I started recounting the past few weeks of life and that is when Compassion Fatigue came to mind. I was exhausted/fatigued, and I didn't care. Surely I wasn't crazy for thinking this was a thing, was I? So, I did what normal people do and I took to Google. Here is what I found. "Studies confirm that caregivers play host to a high level of compassion fatigue. Day in, day out, workers struggle to function in care...

Weighted Blankets and Floor Beds and Jesus Music

Two hours ago I was almost asleep. Something woke me up and now here I am. Fighting the anxiety that is keeping me awake. I attempted my usual go to of getting my headphones and turning on my Jesus Music. After tossing and turning for an hour I got up and moved to the couch. I wasn't able to get comfortable there and my anxiety was only getting worse, so I went to the last resort, I made a floor bed. I gathered pillows and blankets and crawled underneath my newest anti anxiety tool. A weighted blanket. I have been wanting one for quite some time but they are so spendy that I just couldn't bring myself to spend the money. I had a guilty conscience about wanting to buy something so expensive when I already spend a lot of money going to therapy, buying coloring books, headphones that drown out the sound, the right clothes that help me maintain a steady body heat, and so many other little things that add up. A couple of weeks ago something told me to check eBay and I found one that...