Broken Crayons Still Color

Within the last year or so I have noticed that when something exciting in my life is happening, say...a big trip, or even a holiday, I get so excited that it's anxiety inducing. I often times have a hard time distinguishing the excitement from the anxiety, and it is so frustrating to not know. I love trips and vacations and holidays and weekends when friends or family visit, especially if it's something that has been planned for a long time. At the same time I hate it because I can't settle myself down. I get worked up inside and it's hard for me to sit and focus on a task without my mind wondering and thinking and going around and around and around. Matthew and I are one day away from leaving for, what will to me be, the trip of a lifetime. We are leaving for a 10 (12 if you count the two and from days) day European Vacation! This trip has been in the works for about a year now and it's hard to believe that the time has actually come to pack our suitcases and get...

It's hard to believe that I have lived in Austin for 3 months already. Or....one quarter of a year! I moved here before the end of 2015 and here we are, almost on the fourth month of this new year already. I wish I could remember when time started to go so fast! It has been an incredible three months. I survived the biggest challenge in the entire transition which was living apart from Matthew for 10 weeks. I learned that while I didn't (always) feel brave, I am in fact brave, and I think I surprised nearly everyone with how well my big leap went. I didn't just live without Matthew for several weeks, I survived. I had to find a new home, start a new job, learn an entirely new city, manage to be on the receiving end of the move and unpack alone without going completely in sane. While I had my days and my moments, I do believe I came out of all of that a stronger person. There is an entirely new meaning to happy in my vocabulary. And that is my life in Austin. Matthew ...

I had (in my world) what was a perfect weekend. On Friday I worked from home in the afternoon and got to take a nap when I was done for the day. Matthew and I then sat outside on our deck and watched the rain storm come through while having a drink. After going down the road for a couple of beers, we came back home to listen to music and make dinner. On Saturday I slept in, woke up with a slight headache, and was as productive as one could be with little ambition. We got our new washer and dryer delivered and installed so I was able to take care of the laundry that had piled up since Matthew's return! After lunch and a few rounds of Mario on WiiU (our newest addiction) we took a drive to find Matthew's new office, stopped at Target (of course) and then hit up my (so far) favorite Mexican place before going home for the night. When we got home we played some more Mario and watched some TV before hitting the hay early to prepare for the dreaded daylight savings time. Sunday was t...

This morning I was on my way to work and the local radio station was talking about a new song and music video by Chris Stapleton. They had a brief conversation about the powerful message of the video and how it relates to mental illness. When I got to work I watched his video and was blown away. This is definitely an amazing song with an incredibly powerful message. Until I met Matthew I had walls up and I was guarded. I didn't share my depression with anyone because nobody believed me. I was always, always, ALWAYS told that I had plenty to be happy about and to "cheer up". Well I tried to "cheer up". I knew I had plenty to be happy about in life. Until I didn't. Until Matthew I didn't have anyone to listen to me. I didn't have anyone willing to listen to me non judgmentally and let me just tell him my story. It wasn't because he didn't have anything in his own life to deal with, but (and it took me a long time to see it) it was because he...