Broken Crayons Still Color

This morning after Wrigley and I slept in I decided that I needed coffee. Since I have no means of making coffee, and I didn't feel like driving anywhere, we took a walk. What happened next was spur of the moment and one of the best decisions I've made since coming here. Once I got to the cross street where I knew I could get coffee I noticed a lot of people going towards the trees....I followed them to see what was down there and realized there are hiking trails. So, down we went. Getting down to the trails was a bit rocky (literally) but it was definitely worth it. We walked around on the trails and on the rocks and went down by the water, which was crystal clear and amazing! We met a few other dogs and said hi to a lot of people. We were on our first adventure together! Next time I am wearing socks, better shoes, and deodorant. Oh, and bringing water. And probably snacks and a book. I think I'll spend a couple of hours on a rock next time. Wrigley even got brave and went...

Well Wrigley and I have spent two nights in our new home. Just me and him. I'd say all in all it has been an success. It's a bit awkward not having any furniture and I feel terrible for Wrigley having to be yanked out of so many surroundings and thrown into something new. I know he has spent a lot of time making circles in the living room looking for someone else, or his friend Henry! I spent this morning unpacking my clothes (until I ran out of hangers) and trying to make it as homey as possible to convince him that this is our permanent home, we aren't uprooting again! If you saw pictures of not only our front and back door views, but of the actual complex you would not imagine that we live in such a big city. The place is surrounded by woods behind us and there are so many old trees that accompany the walking paths that go around the entire property. There is a sand volleyball court and outdoor work out equipment. The pool area is amazing and Wrigley will come to love ...

Everything has come full circle. Just as I suspected. I am writing to say that I am weak. I am brave and I am weak. I am still in the transitional phase of this move and it is wearing on me mentally. I am feeling overwhelmed, defeated, deflated, sad, anxious, and scared. I have all of these feelings and emotions going on inside of me, whirring around in my mind, and I have no idea how to explain them, let alone act on them in a positive manner. I have been more tired and unmotivated since starting work. (Let's just say that my brain didn't have to work much in my previous job, and here it does!) I have been moody, and sad, and down right crabby. I have held in tears and I have let the tears flow. I have ignored these emotions and put on a brave face, but I can't anymore. Maybe part of it is that not having had any major responsibilities [other than caring for myself] since December is weighing on me. Maybe I'm second guessing this decision to move. Maybe I'm afrai...

I used to have really terrible Mondays. I could always count on Monday's anxiety being sky high. I started taking my PRN on Sunday nights to help alleviate that. It worked. Eventually my Tuesdays started to become the shitty days. Mondays were good and Tuesdays were bad. It was weird. This week, Monday was bad. I had the holiday off so I planned on getting a few things and just vegging. The morning went well and the next thing I knew I was so anxious and restless that I couldn't focus for more than what felt like 5 minuets. My brain was doing circles in my head and all I could think of was negative things. Things like... I am fat. And ugly. Nobody at home misses me. I don't have any friends. My husband is secretly glad that I am in Texas, away from him. I am a burden on everyone I know. I suck at everything I try to do. I have no hobbies, and I am annoying. Everyone holds my anxiety disorder against me and thinks I am fucked up. You know, the basic lies that anxie...

I grew up in a town of barely 1,000 people. I never left the Midwest, Sioux Falls is the biggest city I ever spent any real amount of time in, and our family vacations were usually to The Black Hills. Now here I am, a small town girl living a big city life, and I LOVE IT! I love everything about Austin. I love this city that seems to never sleep. The window in the room I am calling mine faces the major interstate that runs through town and the sound of traffic seems to lull me to sleep each night. I love weather here and the abundance of sunshine. I am (probably) one of few who absolutely loves gray and rainy days but the seemingly unending sunshine has been good for my soul. The green grass instead of brown (or white!) in January makes me smile and I have only had to wear my winter coat one time since arriving in my new city. I came in knowing traffic would be worse so even when traffic is backed up and it takes an hour to get to work I don't panic. I just turn up the music or c...

Today I am having a bad day. It didn't start out so bad. Although when I woke up later than I thought it was it didn't help. I took a double dose of my anxiety med and thought I would be good to go. The sun is shining and it's in the mid 60s, the first time I have experienced such a thing in January! I had some things to get done today and anxiety wasn't getting in my way. I got to where I needed to be and completed new hire paperwork. I then had to have my picture taken for my ID badge. Looking at that picture is what sent me in my downward anxiety spiral. I looked fat, ugly, gross. My hair looked like a mess even though I tried to make it NOT look so. And now, here I am. Things like that don't typically trigger my anxiety so quickly and fiercely. That is when I remember that it is, in fact, winter. And even though I am living some where with warmer climate and more sunshine I still have S(easonal)A(feective)D(isorder) Here are the real, raw, hard truths about SAD ...

What some people don't know about my move to Austin is that I took a HUGE leap of faith and came down here without an official job offer. I had my contingent offer but needed to do a drug screen and fingerprinting, both of which had to be done in the city. I was not afraid of not passing either of these, but it is still a risk. My plan was to come one week, complete those screens, and start the following. I didn't take the holiday into consideration and those two things took a week to get back instead of two days. Not the end of the world by any means, just had me anxiously awaiting a phone call! I got my official job offer yesterday at 4:30 in the afternoon (these people are not good with timing phone calls!!). I am excited to share that I will be starting my new position on Monday, January 11. I was hoping to start at the end of this week and get a day or two in before going in full force. When I was on the phone and she asked me what day I wanted to start I thought about it ...

After Christmas Eve mass each adult parishioner was given a book called "Rediscover Jesus". I paged through it when I got home and thought it looked like a neat little devotional book of sorts. I packed it up and brought it with me to Austin. I just pulled it out to spend some more time really looking at what it was all about. I opened it up to the first chapter which was rightly called, New Beginnings. It was only a few paragraphs long and literally only took me about one full minute to read. It talked about all of the new beginnings and chances we are given in this life. Mondays, New Year's Day, and birthdays were a few that were named. It then concluded with the line "Jesus is the ultimate new beginning". That resonated with me. This new year is bringing a lot of new beginnings and opportunities to "start again". I spent a lot of time in the last three months of the year praying. Praying for Matthew and I to get jobs in Texas, praying for me to be...

It's hard to believe that it is already 2016. I'm not sure where 2015 went but it went fast! While 2015 wasn't the worst year ever I also wouldn't say it was the best year ever. It was somewhere right in between. It had it's ups and downs like every year does. I started out the year at a new job in January. It was a struggle to get acclimated there and when I think about it I realize I never truly did fit in there. In April Matthew and I took a vacation to Austin and fell in love with the city. We got a puppy in May who has won my heart, hands down. We went camping and weathered a storm in which we had to order pizza instead of cooking, (that was a first!). We traveled to Missouri over the fourth of July to spend time with Matthew's parents and found a neat underground Irish Pub. In September we took another road trip, this time to Springfield with my parents. In October we celebrated our one year wedding anniversary and realized that marriage was a breeze, to...