Broken Crayons Still Color

I mentioned in a previous post that Matthew’s cousin gave me a light box to do light therapy when we were visiting over Thanksgiving. A few weeks back I finally started working it into my daily routine. I started using it in the mornings. The first thing I do when I get up is turn that sucker on. It is in my bedroom right by my closet door. I turn it on and then I go take my shower. When I come out of the shower I feel so much more awake than I do when I come out into the room with overhead lighting. I leave it on for the duration of me getting ready. This could be 15 min or 30 min depending on my mood, if my clothes have already been picked out, and what I do to my hair! This is my 3 rd  week of using it and I do have to say it has made a difference. I leave for work in a MUCH better mood. I get that “natural” light that I need MORE of. I was kind of skeptic of it and its benefits as when I had attempted to use it before I would get an almost nauseous feeling. I think that is bec...

We had Christmas with my mom's family this past weekend. I know, Christmas was a month ago, but we never get together until January. Which is okay with me because it keeps the Christmas spirit alive just a little bit longer! Our family is growing, and not because any of us are having kids, etc. It's because we have so many "adopted" family members. We had four extra bodies at my aunt and uncles house this weekend, which compared to some families still isn't that many people. I think we had 14 total? As a side note, it makes me happy that so many people enjoy our family enough to feel welcome at our holidays :) What I learned about myself this weekend is I do not do well in small areas with many people. My uncle has a bar in his basement. We usually spend our time down there drinking, conversing, maybe dancing, and having fun. There were so many people down there this time around that I felt like I wasn't truly able to let go and unwind. I was constantly movin...

We become anxious and risk-averse. When we experience success, we don’t fully allow ourselves to experience the joy of accomplishment.” I found this statement while reading a blog about how to be kinder to yourself. Wow did it hit home. I have previously mentioned how hard I am on myself and how I my self esteem has been in the garbage more often than not the past 6-8 months. I was on this constant roller coaster of up and down but the self talk became more and more negative as time went on. The words “be kind to yourself” didn't exist in my mind and they certainly weren't being put to use. This particular phrase is exactly how I felt when I got the phone call for my first job offer since moving to Sioux Falls. I was so stressed out and anxious about life that when I accepted the job and called to tell my mom (yes, she was the first person I called, because someday I won’t be able to call her at all) and my husband I had zero excitement or joy in my voice. Why wouldn't s...

My first week of (new) employment brought much anxiety. It wasn’t getting up and going to work after not doing so for 8 months that caused my anxiety. It was being somewhere new, surrounded by unfamiliar faces that was the biggest cause. Not having a schedule to go by, not having anyone know what my schedule for training was going to be, and generally being confused was very hard for me. As someone that likes to be prepared, organized, and plan ahead I was in a whole new world. I met an overwhelming amount of people, mostly in passing and left to try to remember who was who. I do think I handled it all better than I expected, which surprised me. I did have some minor anxiety attacks, but there were no tears which, in my world, is a small victory. I was able to leave my eight hours of work behind when I went home and enjoyed the evenings with my husband. I did not lose sleep or have bad dreams. Things that I do expect with come in time, but I made it through the first week without. I...

For some reason people have this idea that unless you have a "reason" to be sad, or depressed, you shouldn't be. There is this idea that in order for someone to have mental health issues they have had to have some major, traumatic event happen in their life. Not true. While I have lead a fairly good life in my 28 years on Earth, I have had my fair of struggles. Is there one major life changing event that triggered my problems? Not that I am aware of. I still have both of my parents alive and well, both of my siblings around to drive me crazy, I've never been in any type of major automobile accident, broken any bones or had any major surgeries, etc etc.  Does that make my anxiety and depression "made up", or "exaggerated". ABSOLUTELY NOT! While a lot of people that live with mental illness may have had one or more of these terrible things happen to them, that doesn't mean it's true for everyone. My anxiety is just as real and present as some...